Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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