marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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