it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
