Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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