you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
