I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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