Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
