he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
