Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Four minutes until I can fart!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
