So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
