I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
