'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
