If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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