May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
