Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
