I'm drive I can fine osifer
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
