just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
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She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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