oh god the rape fog is back!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
