I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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