my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize