Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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