my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
