So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
