Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
