Im at strip club and am horny
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
