You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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