It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
