why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
