when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
