I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
