fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The beer is more important than you right now.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
