Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize