I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
