and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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