YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
