I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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