the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
