So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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