He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
