I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
