Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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