I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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