It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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