what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
