Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
