I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you will always have a special place in my vag
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.