never play flip cup with pint glasses
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
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No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
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I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking