I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.