Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old