Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
