It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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