apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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