We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
