I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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