Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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