um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
