I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
