I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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