sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
