Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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