Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
