i think my tv is drunk
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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