I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
