You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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