Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
