Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
