we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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