Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
